i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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