I feel like abortions should bother me more
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
