Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
