I need to stop coming to work sober
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
