Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
