I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
