Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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