from now on my penis is your penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
