i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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