Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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