I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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