So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
