take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
