thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
