I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish you could order shots online.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
