he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
