Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit

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(905): View more from Ontario

Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.

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(347): View more from New York

It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself

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(519): View more from Ontario

Cats found the secret coke stash again

(519): View more from Ontario

They owe us $80.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot

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