What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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