the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
