My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
