I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
