Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
