i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize