the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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