there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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