Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
