So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
