I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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