When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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