After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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