If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
