I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
