Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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