We won't sleep together?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
