Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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