Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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