Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
