Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i now understand why vodka
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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