I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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