I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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