Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
