So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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