xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
