toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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