So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
