oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
