Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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