sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
