I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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