I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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