I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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