your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
