So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
