you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize