Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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