am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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