glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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