My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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