I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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