We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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