i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I sprained my soul last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
