Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
