nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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