yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
