the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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