Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
