This girl is more easily done than said...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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