This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
