Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
