I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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