***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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