How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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