The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
