I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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