Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
