Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize