i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize