we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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