i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
