the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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