he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
