Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
