Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize