He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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