I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
