HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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