OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
