This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
