I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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