PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
