In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
