After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
