Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
