So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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