Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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