I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
