We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
