we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
