Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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