you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize