Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
