just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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